Effervescent In Pink

I'll Believe in Anything

Whenever my mum tells the story about how I was born she always says brings up the same details:
1) I took so long (26 hours) she was worried that something was wrong,
2) but once I did decide to join the world, I was the most alert baby she'd ever seen.

The other evening I was headed to some party with Stephen and Marsha, a newish couple, when I stopped to get dinner. While waiting for my signature 99cent pizza, I looked out the window at the two of them and something just clicked. It dawned on me that somewhere in the last few weeks, I turned a corner and am finally ready to end the "focus on making myself happy" phase and share my life with someone again. To properly support someone, not just entertain him. To learn from someone, not just humour him. To disappoint and be disappointed and have that be okay.

Yes, I know it's taken me absolutely forever to get here and I know I may have even started to worry some loved ones, but I guess I'm just naturally a slow mover and latebloomer. But if history is any indicator, I'll come out this gate swinging, without the doubt or abandon that would have inevitably emerged had I pushed myself because I felt I "should"/because I didn't want to be the loser/because I wanted the singleton drama to end/because I was scared of losing someone dear.

Of course, James pointed out that now it's barely a stone's throw from 'ready' to 'desperate', from 'open to anything' to 'blind dates from hell'. But hey, I'm celebrating this all the same.

posted by Aleksandra @ 3:40 PM